Krystal Gray
"Hard work beats talent when talent refuses to work hard"
1/10/10
The invigorating side of the down fall. Part one*
Sometimes in life we are blessed to find ourself at a spot where we are stopped and get lost completely in thought. Confused but with clarification, we come to the understanding that everything we had been working toward was completely and utterly wrong.
Sometimes on the downfall, we wonder why everything seems to be unravelling. Thats the thing about climbing; sometimes we cant see that on the other side of that hill is a crevice. Most of the time, we cant see how long or deep that crevice is. While in this crevice life can stand still. During this period I have been able to reflect on where I was; where I am now and where I am headed.
It has been tough to go through a marriage; a separation; a divorce and a custody case. To be sure, life has its ups and downs. Clearly a marriage, even a good one, will always have ups and downs. The birth of my son was a huge up to both my ex-husband and me. We saw the separation differently, an up for me and a down for him. Then, the divorce was a down for me and an up for him. It is difficult to explain that.
Throughout this I've had the blessing of having two amazing friends (Kristina Black and Jen Bari). They are a huge up. Both of them have lives of their own (imagine that lol) and I have had the blessing of them sharing with me their ups and downs.
Although Kristina has alot to fill me in on, shes taught me to be patient and understanding; while I have watched Jen have maturity; compassion and draw strength from those around her. The down side is Kristina moved to Cali in the middle of the hardest year of my life, but she is happy and that is the most important thing after she had the hardest year of her life. Sadly, I seldom see Jen because of all the traveling thats required for me in the LFL.
Then there was the break-up with Kyle. Im pretty sure my Mom, Jen and Kristina and teammates -- specifically Tanyka Renne, Kiera Massette -- watched me unravel over and over in a vicious cycle this summer. ( Im saying if you ever saw New Moon, imagine 50 times worse then that). You can read about my love for him in old blogs but Ill never post the break-up details.
My trainer, Mark Aquino, has turned out to be quite the amazing friend. One upside of my relationship with Kyle is I would have never met Mark. Mark trained me and prepared me for my first season in the LFL thanks Mark! Mark said something to me during my divorce that changed my life and Ill share it with you: Dont ever let anyone or anything make you bitter."
Those words taught me to heal in love and kindness. That has been extremely hard because we are all selfish and its easier to want to hate someone who hurts you or who you hurt; but its wrong. When we accomplish healing in love, we can appreciate old experiences. I smile and am thankful now for David and Kyle; when I think of former teammates who I let down or who let me down; when I think of lost friends and new friends to come.
Its been hard to understand that I have the drive and the motivation and the knowledge to be the best athlete I can be. I fought injuries all season and played through them. I refused to let any crevice get in the way of making it to the top of the mountain. I didnt stop to see the hills I would have to climb to get there. The hardest part now is knowing the climb as a quarterback will be postponed until next season.
I could sit here and be pissed off at the world because my body is letting me down. But instead, I fully appretiate my teammate Nicole Stanely and her willingness to fill the spot our team needs now and previously. I found a calming happiness and general joy with our team I hadnt reached before. Had our team not fallen apart over and over, Id never have had the chance to get to know these beautiful women. I have been truly changed by a few teammates Tanyka, Kiera and Nicole.
I will start with Tanyka. I remember the first day Tanyka was at training camp in Buffalo where Mark was our acting coach. Mark told us to run. I was at the front and Tanyka at the back. I dropped back and let the rest of the team run by so I could encourage Tanyka. I thought Mark would cut her right away. She couldnt handle it. She was tired. Not motivated. Just not a football player. Awkward in her movements and quiet.
Mark did try to cut her in long Island once. Something in me reached out and I tried to overrule my coach and trainer. I told Tanyka to get back in the drills. Not to go home even though the coach had "cut" her. I dont know what happened that day; it sure the hell wasnt the athlete in me talking because I didnt think of her as an athlete then. I felt I in this ride with her. I wanted to see her finish. I wanted to see her grow.
I got something away more than that. She changed my life. Over the last few months she grew as an athlete and I began to learn about her as a person. Strong, sexy, confident; poised (except when her emotion of love takes over); passionate about the sport and life. I watched her prevail through team issues; through her personal issues and through everything that touches her life.
Tanyka has had a tough past, and has endured a hard present. I truly believe she will always be successful and she will be extremely happy. What truly changed me about Tanyka is her ability to love people. She taught me to love those who do and who dont deserve it; to stay focused on the positive and to not waste a single thought on something negitive unless its to try to find a way to see the positive. Tanyka is the only other one left on our team that has been on this team since day one; she has perseverance.
Keira came our first week of training camp in PA. While the rest of us had just endured our first day of camp and were exhausted, sweaty and cranky, in walks this beautiful, outspoken, very well put together; truthful girl from NYC. She had her shit together. She was a trainer in Manhattan; she was a bartender at the W and she had just survived a break up with a pro athelte.
I saw in her the desire to show the world that she would be successful and happy. She didnt know a damn thing about football. I would watch her in practice. Coach would have us running routes and she had trouble catching on. Id get frusterated and jump in to show her " this is how you do it". During our first game she got thrown in at centre and I learned to trust her under pressure. While she was in that game, I was more protected and had the most success.
More players quit but Kiera stayed. Kiera studied. Kiera put in the work and she persevered. More than that, she started to promote our team like crazy. Taking on the media and the appearances in all aspects. When she saw I needed a break, she just stepped in without a word and put it on her shoulders. Kiera is on a hill right now but with one foot in front of the other she continues. Steady does it with Kiera. Kiera taught me how to listen and how to nuture a friendship. Kiera has been very honest with me and I have had the privilege to help her through some tough times. (Thank you for trusting me always. I read today that trust is a better gift than love because it teaches us to love unconditionally.)
I remember the first day and Nicole stands out in my mind. Shes standing on the defensive side of the line right lineman. My shoulder had been getting progressively worse. I called the cadence: Set Hut. Bam Nicole rushed me and somehow right into my injured shoulder.
" Watch the shoulder, I said. Her response: "Is that what youre going to say on game day?"
At the time, I had a bunch of swear words in my mind. Two hours later I pulled Nicole aside and told her that I respected her and I appreciatied her competitive spirit. I saw alot of myself in her. I was thankful there was one person I didnt have to set an example for and I found someone I could look up to as well. I have looked up to Nicole. We have stood side by side and have picked each other up. I lived in her house for three weeks before our first game; I looked for her on every pass during the first game (it just happened instinctively). She picked up for the spots when I felt weak in the second game (the labrum and tendinitis were horrible during this game);
And for the last month she has been recruiting a new team and learning to be a quarterback. She has offered up her house for teammates to stay at after practices and appearances. She fed me when I was stuck in PA; I have been kicked out of a game defending her and she will carry the team in the last game. Nicole taught me to work hard and to stay humble. She taught me that I can only control myself. Watching the Miami game online, I saw Nicole fight until the end, even after I was kicked out. She showed our team and the league to play till the last minute; whether youre winning or losing.
Its only in this stand still of divorce; a custody battles; a breakup; doctor's appointments, court dates, travel time, losing every game, being kicked out of a game and being snowed in (here in Buffalo) that I have been able to appretiate the downfall. I have been blessed with people like my family, my friends and my teammates; my coach (who is the best football coach I have ever had, with the most football knowledge and the most loyal person I know. He is the biggest winner and even though our team continuously loses he still bleeds Majesty red); My trainer, league officials (who have taken time to coach me on my professionalism after bad interviews or mistakes made during game time); and the kids I grew up with in Lewiston and Niagara Falls ( who love me no matter who I become or where I go or what I do, and will keep me humble).
The invigorating side of the downfall is knowing that it will lead us somewhere but never knowing where. I truly believe that although we spend all this time working towards goals: we are inevitably going to wind up exactly where we belong. Without my marriage, I would never have had my beautiful son or an ex-husband who is my best friend. Without my divorce I would have never had the opportunity to be so close to my mom; I would have never moved back home and I would have never had the chance to know Jen or Kristina better.
Without Kyle, Id never have met Mark, who's words carried my spirit through the toughest year of my life and whose training carried me through my hardest year of football. Without the LFL there would be no Majesty. Without my team I would have never met Tanyka; Without our team falling apart I would have never been touched by Kiera or Nicole. Without our coach and the league officials, I wouldnt have the courage; the poise or the humility to finish the hardest season.
Standing at the beginning of last year, I would have never imagine everything I would survive this year. The tears, the struggle and the emotional and physical pain I've dealt with have been so consuming. The bright side of the downfall is theres not alot of places to go when your down. You can stay in the crevice to search for the blessings of the fall and or look up and someone will pick you up and point you back toward the sun. Despite all the crevice, I chose to put my face back to the sun.
~Love.
11/26/09
In the After math
"Therefore, my dear friends as you have always obeyed-not only in my presence, but now in my absence-continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is god who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Philippians 2: 12-13
Flying on the plane to miami I felt confident in myself and in my team to play like a football team this game. We had all done the best we could up until this point preparing to play miami. As we sat there on the plane I continued to prepare and make my "just in case" cheat sheet on a second QB wrist band. I wrote out the game script, and I detailed it with what every player on offense was to do on every play. I thought This weeks huddle will be much more organized. During the previous week of practice coach let me organize the offense in the huddle so I could go from right to left around the circle and fill the players in on what to do. He would give me the play, I would read it off to each side and then I would go around the circle filling the players in where to go. A major confidence booster compared to the last game. I finished making the wrist band, I had coach look it over and I got off the plane feeling confident that we had a shot at actually winning this game. Our offense when ran properly is set up on percision. Coach was in the military and so was I. In past articles you have seen me write about consistancy and discipline. I run on this. As a quarter back I need that consistency in the huddle to feel poised and collected. I was confident we would have that this week, which would allow for me to have a better game and give my team the Quarter Back they deserved. As I began to warm up before the game I realized I couldnt lift my right elbow parallel to my right shoulder. The tear in my lebrum was getting worse and the tendinitis began to take over. I pulled coach aside and I said "coach, nicoles arm is right on today, my passing is off, my shoulder is acting up dont be affraid to pull me and put her in." ............(next Page)
I have been struggling through practices with this tear in my lebrum and this tendinitis in my throwing shoulder for a few months now. Some days the pain is worse then others. On top of these injuries at the previous philly game I dislocated my left collar bone, and I sprained the AC in my rleft shoulder. During the philly game I was able to hide the injury in my right shoulder by babying it. By taking the hits, and tackling primarily on my left side. Going into this miami game, I felt scared. I have no way to baby either shoulder. I prepared to take the pain.
Every game we get back to the locker room and have our time to prepare after warm ups and run throughs I try to main tain the same routine. I get dressed, finish the hair , the game make up and get the warm ups on, and then I put my ipod on, listen to the same song (Angles fall down by skillet) I pray, open my bible and I write a vers for the game and I put it up in the locker room. While everyone else is going through their pre game routine I try to focus and look for the glory of god and ask him to let it shine through my performance. This game I started to feel the fear of god come over me. Our teams vers for the game had been Philippians 1:28 "without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved, and that by god."
Walking into the tunnel I turned to my team mate and I told her " I feel the fear of god in me, Im affraid." I was trembling and she told me Its pre game jitters. We made a joke about the quarter back in any given sunday and how he pukes before every game. Here my team was trying to calm me down. I thought to myself , pull it together, your team needs you to lead them, shake it off. The funny thing is, when god has a hold of me and his pressence is on me there is no shaking it off no matter how many ways I try to convince myself its just my emotions and not his pressence. The game started and play after play in the first half my team got slammed around. The huddle was un orginized, players were forgetting the plays and the game seemed to fly by so fast.
Half time came and our coach gave us the half time talk we deserved. We werent playing like a team, as quarter backs we both scrambled for our lifes or we got blind sided by hits, the line wasnt working together, recievers were messing up routes, on D it was the same way, play after play someone got behind the safetys and miami exploited the long pass. Prior to the game I warned my coach about this, I watched the chicago game and miami primarily passed against them , and we watched the philly game and miami primarily ran against them. Either way We needed to go out the second half and play like a team.
Second half rolled around and I felt a calming pressence from god. He said to me, you tried to play the first half with out me. If god is with you who can be against you. I played in his fear, and in fear of getting seriously injured due to my shoulders the first half and never stoped to ask god to take control. THIS is a major problem. How can I be a leader to my team if I have no one to follow. In order to lead we must first follow. I was out there with no guidence. God was speaking to me. Every play in the second half I asked God to help me take one play at a time with his guidence, to find the right holes, to see the open receivers and as a safety (coach put me in at the end of the first half at safety as well) I began to ask for quickness reading the play. I thought to myself "I can do all things through christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. I knew we werent going to win this game, but I felt calm and the fear went away because I knew at the end of the day when I learned to focus on God and let him carry me through it wasnt that bad. I felt clarity and I felt calm. During the last part of the game I got back into that safety mentality, no one gets into my endzone from this point on. I was excited and able to enjoy the football. A few plays at safety and I started to feel protective of my team. Sitting back at safety you get to see all the stuff everyone on the entire field is doing. I saw the miami girls getting a little out of control with their actions and I started to get fired up. Three plays in a row I watched the receiver hit my corner after the whistle was blown.
It became evident that this player wasnt even trying to run a route at this point. I told my corner if I see this receiver hit you one more time after the whistle is blown, or get in your face, or swing on you its going to be over. What do you think happened the next play ? The receiver started going at it with my corner, All of a sudden there were miami players and ny majesty players surrounding eachother and I got swong on. Growing up in martial arts and with a father who was a military drill SSGT I was taught to Defend myself. No one puts their hands on me like that and my passion for football, my love for my team mates and the instinctive nature to protect myself took over. Next thing I know Im ejected from the game, the crowds going crazy and I didnt feel bad at all. I felt closer to my team.
I saw the commissioner and the director of the league in our hotel elevator later that night and I knew they were dissapointed in me. Fighting in all professional sports is looked down upon and This league has taken alot of time molding me into the leader they see in me. They have taken the time to see my love for football and my passion for this league in general. I knew that wouldnt be the end of it.
Sometime later I got an email from the commissioner, The league was extremely dissapointed in my behavior as one of the leaders in the league and I was notified that I would be suspended for a game for fighting and for my rowdy behavior after the fight. I had already prepared myself for this. I stand behind the leagues decision in my suspension as there are always consequences for everything in life and leaders should be held to higher standards. I was scheduled for a conference call with the commissioner and as he explained to me the reason for my suspension I began to understand, its about becoming a professional. He said to me " Do you think Eli manning would be suspended for fighting, or jump into the stands to sign autographs ?" Boys get 23 years of playing football, and coach after coach to learn how to become professional football players. Although I have had years of playing football I never looked into my experiences as how to conduct myself as a professional football player.
Girls just didnt grow up thinking that was a possibility. I have had close to two years being molded, learning and growing from my mistakes trying to be a professional football player. I trust the league and am very grateful and thankful that they continue to mold me into a professional football player. This is their brand and as players we just represent it. I may not agree with being the only one suspended as I wasnt even the one to throw the first punch but I am thankful that the league saw enough in me to punish me for MY mistakes. The league and its decisions should be respected and trusted by the players. "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24
In the after math of the fight there has been alot of controversy, People think because Im christian I should'nt Fight, and maybe they are right? As of now I have not been convicted or do I feel guilty for defending myself. I do however feel guilty for losing control of my emotions and letting those emotions control my actions. I need God because Im not perfect and only with him will my emotions be controled. "Whatever happens conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of christ." (Philippians 1:27) Bottom line I learned last game; we cant do it on our own, and at times we will try to take back control of our life our of fear, or anger, passion, or love but if we are living our life for God, we should surrender and ask him to be in control. My loss of control is a huge example of why we need God, He did not send his son to die for us because we are perfect, his son died for us because we are not perfect.
November 9th
" Sometimes the more you do for people the more they will disappoint you." ~ Meg Liz Miller, Miami calliente
Reading these words in a text from Meg liz really hit me today. I started to think what gives megs statement validity ? Easy enough.. its not hard to understand. Investing our feelings, emotions, energy and time into others can either be a primer to an amazing relationship with them or to set ourself up to be seriously hurt if they turn on us or end in failure.
Caring for people isnt something thats natural to the human spirit. WE are all selfish and at the end of the day everyone has motives. Its up to us to decide if those motives are hidden and if they are going to be harmful to us in the long run. Will they place their motives over the value of your friendship/relationship with them ? What I mean by this is while we ought to not change our character or personality after being hurt or let down by someone we can avoid being hurt in the future by being proactive in learning from our past.
I truly realized this year that not everyone is a good person, has a good heart or has good intentions. I completely misconstrewed a statement my dad said to me when I was younger, " a true leader looks for the good in others and points it out to them when they cant see it theirself". Somehow I tried to find the good in every person in my life and I completely missed multiple signs that pointed out that certain people are not the kind of people I want in my life. Looking at all people who come into my life I really set myself up to be hurt. Which brings me back to megs statement.. sometimes the more we do for people the more they dissapoint us... its because doing something for others involves investing ourself into them. When they let us down, hurt us, exploit us, its like we lost a part of ourself to them. What hurts even more then being let down by them is realizing what kind of person we were let down by and how we let them get the best of us. Its a pride thing. (continued)
So many times this year I have thought to myself " how could I have been so stupid and nieve to let this person get to me like this," The answer is... because I cared enough about them to let them in my life and to get involved in theirs. Ill keep caring about the people that come in my life and hopefully Ill be more selective with exactly who I chose to care for and be cared for by. This way the stats on who stays in my life will be more in my favor then the stats of those I continue to lose that never really cared for me anyways. After all I really hate losing.
November 2nd
After friday nights game I'd have expected myself to feel upset about the way we lost to philly. Supprisingly although I felt upset about the loss, It didnt break my heart into pieces and It didnt hit me as hard as I might have thought. During the day leading up to the game I felt a variaty of emotions. I went from being nervous during the day and having those pre game butterflies, to feeling anticipation as game time got closer. While everyone else in the locker room was listening to that lincoln park and hip hop music to get amped up I put my head phones on and played Skillet " angles fall down" to calm myself and focus.
I looked at football so long through the eyes of being a safety. The way I played safety was by going to that angry, amped up this is my field no one gets into my endzone kind of mode. I would usually be a real big garbage talker telling the other teams Offensive players if they came near me Id take them out for the rest of the game. Getting ready to play Quarter Back friday night I found myself wanting to stay calm, focused, poised and under control. At that point I realized that win, lose or draw friday night I know I personally did everything I could to prepare myself for fridays game and at the end of that night I still played for the same reasons I always have. To learn Gods character for me.
The first half of fridays game was rough. Indoor football is so much faster then 11 on 11 outdoor football. The noise, the people, the coaches yelling , the players confusion , the music, the cameras, the smoke and lights... all of that began to fade into the background for me as we ran out of the tunnel. I was focused and wanted to win but I felt god telling me there was something bigger than that going on. I felt god tell me all about how his grace is made sufficient in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). God was going to teach our team character through a loss friday night. God was going to bond our team through struggles and perseverance. (continued on next page)
During the first half of my first game as a Quarter Back I did feel nervous. I knew what would happen. My team would look to me to tell them what to do in times of stress. Suddenly I realized, what I knew would happen was happening and instead of trying to bear the weight of my team on my own I turned to God and he told me, we were finally going to become a team. The people who knew what to do stood out, Respect was earned where respect was due. We relied on eachother to get through this game. Everyone on the team struggled together to do their OWN job but most importantly no one quit and no one walked out on the team.
Perseverance is a characteristic that is highly needed in life but that some never have the opprotunity to taste. It is the ability to hang in there when everything else is telling us to quit. Our society has taught us so what , if you dont like the way something is being handled walk away and you can find happiness somewhere else. This entire year has been one huge perseverance test trying to earn my spot in the lingerie football league. Friday nights game helped me to realize the worth of this experience. By Gods grace, I've displayed perseverance. When others have let bad attitudes, a lack of discipline or whatever else come in the way, my team mates didnt. My team learned how to take a loss as a team with no finger pointing , or no blame placing. Although we didnt win Im so proud of my team for the way they held their composure after losing that game.
Im not ashamed, Im not embarassed and I dont feel bad. Im happy to call them SISTERS, TEAMMATES, CHAMPIONS. On and off the field Ive had so many people walk in and out of my life this last year but these are the ones that remain. The people that can take the good with the bad are the people I love and respect. The people who can remain through it all deserve appretiation. We did go to war, and we lost but we did it together. There is something beautiful and glorious about knowing that while we lost, gods pressence was around us and that we were together. Even the spartans went down as one. We were one. From that point forward its up to us to take that gift god gave us and remain and play as one.
Oct 27th
They say that in life everything happens for a reason. IT has been extremely hard for me excepting that everything in life might have a reason but that I might not always know what that reason is. Last year at this time I was struggling in a broken marriage and I began to use training for the Chicago Bliss team as an emotional outlet. This week I was extremely disappointed and let down by someone I thought was my best friend and I'm training for my first game with NY MAJESTY that is in less then 4 days now. I'm trying to learn an entirely new offensive system and coach has been building a really great new team. Combining a team isn't always easy. Last year started challenging and the challenges have been one right after another for me. Its funny how life throws mountains in the road sometimes but through climbing those mountains I have learned a lot about my character and I have been pushed and climbed to my limits. I have learned who I am and whats important to me. Now that I have embraced those hard times as primers to a better me it is easy to let the past go and I feel free because of it.
Where we work, who we are dating, what we wear, who are friends are, those are not things that define who we are. When I played little league football and when I was in the military those leaders would say stuff like integrity, excellence and service to others is what defines character. I understood what they were saying but I never challenged myself to really truly grasp the internal meaning of those things. After the hardest year I've had in my life I finally get it now. Character is what defines who we are. Character is tested and built through the trials and every experience we have in life. The choices we make define that character and it can help or hurt those we care for or that care for us the most.
(continued on next page)
Integrity in everything we do, A sincere heart, Pure intentions, a friendship, compassion, respect, and a willingness to always work through anything that comes at you in life, discipline, and a willingness to be humbled when its needed , those are things that are important to me. All these things are what commitment is made of. To me it takes all those things to be apart of any team. A football team, a relationship, a friendship....I might not be the best at showing all of those traits at certain times but I'm going to continue to try and improve myself for the overall benefit of the group and I'm going to continue to seek that out in those that are brought into my life and that are continuously around me. It has been a struggle for me, to continuously give of myself to others and sometimes I feel very worn thin. I have wanted to quit and walk away several times and laugh at people who fall on their face but i realized this week its not inside me to just not care like that. I have grown to care for these people who I see potential in that may not have risen to it yet. I will continue to search for that potential in them I just need to find a new way that they can relate to. My dad told me a true leader always finds a way to see the greatness in others...I see that greatness in so many people in my life but it has been frustrating and disappointing to see them have opportunity after opportunity to rise to that greatness, and to make the right decisions which will bring them character growth. "That's the job of a leader," my coach says... to continuously take the fall for others and carry their weight in order to show them...they can do it too.
october 4th
Love can be so frusterating sometimes. There are so many levels of love and so many different ways you can love that it is easy to get confused. Being pretty young at only 24 I have had the opprotunity to be in love so many different ways. Love is scary to me because when I fall I have no controll over how hard or how fast I fall and generally falling hurts. I have loved being in the military, I have loved playing sports, I have loved friends that have come and gone and I have been in love with some great people.
I got married young because I found someone who was my best friend and I didnt want to chance not having that person in my life forever. Going through all the struggles marraige brings has challanged me to love in so many ways that sometimes I really cant fathom. Going through a divorce has done the same. Its not easy to take all the anger and hostility you feel towards someone you loved so deeply at one point in time and admit to them they are whats best for your child, especially because generally at that point in time you honestly believe that person isnt whats best for you. Its hard to look that person in the face that you promised to go through everything with and tell them you found someone else you'd rather work through life with. Its hard to admit to that person that where they are lacking something someone else has filled the void. (continued on next page)
It takes a lot of love to bare your soul enough to someone it didnt work out with and tell them all the ways you are selfish and all the ways you were wrong in your decisions and actions. Most people want the people it doesnt work out with to think everything is perfect picture just to spite them. It takes a lot of love to let someone go because you can recognize that you are tearing eachother apart and you know someone else could be so much better to them.
Love is not about games to me. I love the game of football but I am even passionate about football. It is not always easy and there has been a lot personally and as a team to overcome. Football is difficult enough to begin with but then to be a part of building A team brings so many challanges and its easy to question why I am a part of it. The answer is simply found in the fact that I am passionately in love with football. I searched out and recruited some of the best athletes I know. I have not always been good at expressing to them the way I feel for them but It took a lot of love to be a part of deciding who would fit the core of the team and who wouldnt. How do you ultimately decide who fits and who doesnt ? I had to remain faithful to the image of the Brand. Yes to play on our team you had to be Beautiful (I tried to look inside and out), but you had to be athletic, talented and most importantly dedicated. That is what builds real love. Committment. I saw something in each of our team mates that attracted me to believing they were worth being a part of something I am so passionate about. I saw committment. If the league asked us to practice twice a week, we practiced twice a day. If a practice center didnt work out, we practiced anywhere outside, if it was raining , freezing cold or sweating hot, if there where airplanes flying over our heads we practiced. If we fought, if we didnt see eye to eye, We all continued to show up. There are girls that drive from hours away, that moved from different states, to keep playing. We have never walked out on eachother during any team "fights". WE have been fighting together since day one to make it up the mountain pre seasons always bring. The forming of the team, the conditioning of the team, the survival of the team, there has always been committent. That is a choice every girl continues to make. They show up.
I honestly believe that some people quit on the things they love to easy because loving isnt easy. It is hard to love someone or something for their imperfections. It is hard to get to a point where you can say This is the way it is but I love it anyways and it is beautiful that way. Our new coach told me adversity builds character. To those that character means something to, Id suggest trying to love someone or something the way it is and make the choice to understand nothing in this entire world is perfect but the rewards are worth it. All we can do is lay our hearts out there continuously and embrace the struggle as the stairs to the reward. The Lingerie Football League requires deddication but even more it requires loyalty through fighting committment. Being on the ground level of an entire new league even from just a player point has been a fight because when you love something you have to fight for it. Everything will try to get in the way of successful happiness. I am learning this year that is what Im looking for in romantic love as well. Loyalty through fighting committment knowing I could really have something with someone who could give back only what I exspect and deliver myself. I dont know who will wind up on our team, in this league or in my love life but I will say to them, Im here...dedicated to you, fighting for you, learning to really love you and I appretiate all the work you've done.
Something in the male ego triggers guys to almost not except their weaknesses. If they cant catch, they will go early or stay late to improve those skills even if its not their position just because they don't want to be known as the one who cant do something. Improving skills that don't even relate directly to your position in football builds discipline. When its 100 or 30 degrees outside and your 14 years old putting the equipment on to play football doesn't always sound exciting. Sometimes I didn't want to.. I saw my team mates put their equipment on anyways because they loved playing football. At the end of the 4th quarter when its raining and the other team is screaming at your team to distract them from making that game winning touch down, you will focus or your team will lose. When your coach tells you that your competing against so and so for 1st string you learn drive or you don't play. When your 15 years old and new boys come to play on your team, hate that your a girl and target you during hitting drills to make you quit...you learn how to fight and how to love people who don't deserve it. You love them because they are your teammates and in the long run you need each-other. All these characteristics that I was being taught have helped keep me stable during times in my life where some people might have thought I was going to lose it.
September 21st
"Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives." -- Henri Nouwen
To me sports have always been a constant. Football in particular became my emotional outlet from a very young age. Football gave me structure in the midst of brokenness in my family. My family separated when I was young & my parents had a consistent custody battle going. Football was my way to understand the character god wanted to build in me. Anyone who knows the game of football knows all that comes with it. Try telling a four year old to keep running when they are tired, to keep playing when they are bored, or to listen to and understand the details it takes to learn plays. Football has taught me discipline, focus, drive, and how to love even when I don't want to.
Playing football on the boys team as a girl was tough at first and I probably played at the beginning just because my brothers did. As I got older, Playing football with all boys I took advantage of the opportunity to get closer to God by trying to understand males in general at a deeper level. Some guys on the football field will find their weaknesses as a challenge to improve their-self.
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When I was younger football as an emotional outlet and the character I was learning got me through my parents divorce, falling outs with friends, the tough years any teen girl goes through during middle school and high school. Those characteristics pulled me through failing marriage, my divorce, The worst break up I've ever been through and not seeing my son very often. In June of 2008 I saw some postings on my my-space about upcoming tryouts for the Lingerie Football League. I began training and my husband, my son and I went to Chicago in September. I tried out for the Chicago Bliss and made the team before being traded to NY to help build the NY MAJESTY team. Every game & practice I learned and still learn a new characteristic, and is what makes me stronger. Through all the brokenness, the structure of football and the consistency of my team mates and coaches help me to really truly understand gods faithful presence in my life. It is easy for me to view because we are all made in his image (Genesis 1:26, 27). When I was younger I got to understand god better by understanding men & life in general better. Now I am still getting closer to god because I am getting to understand women better. When one of my girl team mates a tackle; they help each other up. When one is thirsty another will share her drink. When one is tired another with encourage her to keep going, knowing it increases competition among us all to do and be better.
Although it has been difficult for me to keep loving god through all the brokenness, I get to avoid becoming bitter or resentful by returning to gods presence in my life. Yes I'm still struggling but I can return to gods presence over and over again even when I don't want to because he has taught me character through the structure of football, love through the passion of the game, drive through the competition among team mates, discipline to do whats right when I don't want to through countless drills I've completed even when I was to tired to. (continued on next page)
Football has been my safe place, my emotional outlet, my teacher, my constant, and is what draws me closer to god & his presence. Football is where I learn its in my weakness where he shows his strength. Football is the place I go when I feel crowded by life and its obstacles to feel closer to god but further away from everything else. There has been many circumstances in my life and in the past year where I have wanted to quit playing football, I have lost heart and I have been very angry at god but I know if I keep searching for him, everything that I have lost along the way will be given back to me. The Lingerie Football League has given me the opportunity to continue my search and is where god gives me peace when everything else around me has seemed to fall... God continues. Football continues.
please contact Krystalgray1_yahoo.com
GALLERY
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BIO
First and Foremost I just want to acknowledge that God works everything for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). All of my successes for every goal I have set and reached or for every goal I am on the way to accomplishing is all because of our great and loving god. Without him Nothing, none of this would be possible. It is important that we stay thankful for every opened and for every closed door he has set for us to guide us along the way. Before I get into my bio I would like to thank all the Family members , Friends, Fans and those that believe in me and Support me in my quest to be a positive influence to those around me. Without your love and support my story would mean nothing.
I was born and raised in Western New York by a loving mother and a loving Army father. I fell in love with Athletics and modeling from a very young age. I saw both of these as emotional outlets. A way to express myself, something I could always get better at but that would always challenge me. I started playing Full contact Football When I was about 4 years old. Right around the same time I started unorganized Martial arts (taught by my father) & dance. I always knew from a young age that athletics & some form of entertainment ( modeling or dance) would be my life long passion and it has always been something I dreamed of doing forever. Through little league Football I played Mostly Defense and was always a starter as far as I can remember. My coaches utilized me at positions such as defensive end, corner back or safety. Once in a while I would even see the receiving or kick off teams. Somewhere along the way I started Boxing and taking Martial Arts from Joans Patricko at the East Coast Karate School where I became nationally ranked in ISKA. Although I played multiple sports through elementary, middle and high school ( softball, baseball, track, cross-country, diving, 1 year of gymnastics, cheerleading, etc) I loved football and Martial arts/boxing the most. I loved that in these three sports there is no room for error, I loved that you have to have passion to last in these sports and most of all I loved the challenge & the continuous character growth I learned from these three sports. These three sports built the foundation of my character. Through my life during my trails where I feel defeated, or the need to quit, I compare it to my toughest times during the toughest years I faced participating in those sports. I realize those years made it so I don't know how to give up during times of trouble. Towards the end of high school when I stoped playing football, I started to play Soccer at Niagara County Community College. It fed my appetite for challenge, continuous growth & contact. Around this time I attended the Barbizon Academy of Modeling every weekend in Mississauga, Canada & my love for modeling intensified.
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I graduated from Niagara Wheatfield Senior High School, and I enlisted in the United States Airforce When I was 17 years old as A Aerospace Medical Technician. I completed my training at Sheppard Airforce Base and Lackland Airforce Base in Texas. While in the Military I attended Wright State University for psychology and pre-med and Continued my athletic training on my own. For me Athletics has always been a way to escape the stresses of everyday life. Hearing of the kick-off to the Lingerie Football League last July I started training hard and made the Chicago Bliss team last September. While on the Chicago team I did Night club appearances, practiced with the team, coached a Celebrity Basketball event in Tampa Florida and was scheduled to play in the Lingerie bowl for February 2009. During 2009 I was traded to New York Majesty where I am currently the team captain and am training to be the teams Quarter Back. The transition from Defense to Offense has been challenging, and very rewarding. Passion is still the main essential and hard work continues to beat talent. Training up to four times a week with my personal trainer Mark Aquino can be tiring but I have faith that the hard work will pay off. A wise man once told our team that winning happens in the off season & during practices. It is safe to say that he meant that game time is just the time to show the fans that you put in the hard work to give them a great game & an authentic athletic experience. Currently I continue to have passion and love for modeling, football and working out in general. I hope my story encourages each and every person who reads it to stay true to their self and to continue to do what they love. There were many people along the way that told me girls shouldnt play football or that I was wasting my time as a model. There will always be trials along the way but stay positive and focused and you will accomplish your goals. Dont be affraid to be the person who makes a new path for others to travel.
Love, Football & Lingerie ~ Krystal Gray
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